From a Garrison of hope – we take a look at the secret life of the cuckold

I have to admit that I have never managed to forgive the two ex-partners who cheated on me.

The first ‘cheating’ happened almost 30 years ago. And, like an emotionally injured elephant, I have never forgotten…

The last time I was cheated on by a partner was 20 years ago and it led to me becoming the victim of a vicious campaign of lies about sex and infidelity… I even have the video tapes to prove it!

Some people can carry on with their partner after they’ve been cheated on. But I couldn’t. It’s a mixture of anger, hurt and loss which can make you hate the rest of the world too for a very long time.

If anything good is to come out of becoming a cuckold you have to avert the burning fury of your eyes from your ex and take a good look at yourself… did you put weight on? Did you let yourself go? Grow a pot belly? Lose interest in making love? Did you become sullen and non-communicative? Bad tempered? Or worse?

Or did you just simply become disinterested and, yep, the hardest thing to admit, uninteresting?

In my case I had to scrutinise my nightly drinking. I am sure it didn’t help the stability of one of my exes who was actually a practising alcoholic…

In the other case, I don’t think I earned enough money to keep her in the ‘Florida’ lifestyle she desired … I was a working and drinking writer and all I could offer was the equivalent of a romantic artist’s slightly stoned garret in the sky.

It wasn’t enough though, not after half a decade, she went looking for more. Sadly, she didn’t find it.

In a way infidelity can be understood … as a new couple you throw yourselves together, legs a akimbo, shirts and tops rolled up under your chins like monks with dirty habits, pants twanging at your ankles like Cupid’s bow, squirming on cheap motel beds or in the back of your car…

And you believe you have found love, lasting ecstatic love 0 with the sweaty hard-breathing dishevelled person of your dreams.

Sadly, soon that crazy, almost carnivorous, copulating ends up diminishing before your eyes – Coronation Street in front of the telly-on-tick in the lounge of your nice semi-detached in a nameless cul-de-sac in Middle England.

But what if the person who let you down is your best friend? A bloke – or woman – you’ve known for decades who has been by your side through all your trials and tribulations, all your break-ups, all your losses…

And all your successes?

What if they have stolen your money, your work and tried to steal your reputation?

How do you feel then?

Does that kind of betrayal hurt more than the love of your life adopting the prone position with a stranger behind your back?

Tell us your thoughts and even your stories of broken hearts and betrayal.

We’ll publish them here.

Meantime, some words of hope, one from a short missive doing the rounds on the internet and another from that wonder of urbanity Garrison Keillor who had his own reputation prodded over some alleged sexual matters. He said it was all a bit of a misunderstanding. And at nearly 80 it could well be the truth.

The internet:

In life, you will fall out with people that you never thought you would. Get betrayed by people that you trusted with all your HEART.

And get used by people you would do anything for.

But life also has a beautiful side to it.  

You will get loved by someone you never thought you would have. Form friendships with people that will establish more meaningful and stronger relationships. And overcome things you never thought you would get over.

We all have chapters that end with people at some point in life. But take pride in knowing that the very best part of your book is being written.

• GARRISON KEILLOR

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

#heartbreak #cuckolds #cupid #monkwithadirtyhabit #garrisonkeillor #hope