Why the BBC is making your ears bleed egg-nog and squirty cream

Wait! Do you hear what I hear? Coming from over there – way way over the manger.

Yes, look! You can just pick them out in the starlight now, under those boughs of holly … a motley crew, fat men dressed in red, little elves hi on their own ho, white angels and the wise, camels and donkeys – and that Russian weather forecaster – Rudy the Red-knows-rain-dear.

Now the tinkling of bells grows into the tremor of strings, timpani (timpani timpani, they’ve all got it timpani), guitars and the howling voices of those who are long dead on the edge of a Dystopian world…

Yes, we are talking about the mindless repetitiveness, the over-blown feel-good factory of Christmas music.

On December 1^st 2023 the British Broadcasting Company sent down a snowy-bright, white-light torrent of tinselly notes and pointless saccharine lyrics to drown out the moribund dystopia.

Ah, it just makes you want to deck the BBC’s bosses with boughs and brollies!

So if, like me, you have no time for a month-long onslaught of Christmas pop-up pap and pointlessness – you don’t have to feel like Scrooge. We are not alone.

So, we really need this mind-numbing ‘Have yourself a merry little Christmas…’ sung in the sonorous tones of a long-dead crooner with a horse face and a pipe?

In 2023, this is actually the season of folly, the season to be jolly careful … the season when only three years ago the powers-that-be tell you not to hug your granny to death and don’t go to the pub without having a scotch egg to line your stomach. And if you’re Welsh make sure you’re home by 6pm or you’ll be in trouble, boyo!

Well, what does that tell you? Your granny or your money?

It’s money of course it is.

Capital gains? Capital shames!

And don’t forget, because we were not allowed out or to go on holiday just over two year ago we’ve been leaving loadsa money in the bank – billions in fact – so the good opportunistic burghers of mammon are actually lending you your own savings so they can grab them back of you in far more useful bricks and mortar.

Do you see what I see?

And it’s all played out against a soundtrack of jingle jangle goodwill to all of those sitting on a lemmings precipice wearing a Father Christmas’s hat at a jaunty angle.

They still want us to believe in this middle-class wonderland of pan pipes and alcoholic puddings.

But trust me, this – including the music – is pushing people over the edge.

You will all become Christmas killers by dawn – and Yuletide will be logged down as a big fat failed turkey if you don’t turn off your radios!

Just turn off your radios!

This is what the BBC’s chief content officer, said: “This Christmas, more so than ever, we’ve created perfect soundtracks that are full of festive cheer and stardust, celebrate our most loved shows, make space for reflection and tell extraordinary stories both real or imagined. In what’s been a difficult year, millions of people have turned to our stations and Sounds for company through long periods of isolation and so we want to give our listeners schedules filled with special treats and surprising guests to celebrate the festive season.”

Well, with the greatest of respect, what a load of b*ll*cks!

The banks are fiddling while Britain is burning and there is new meaning to it’s not the cough that carries you off, it’s the coffin they carry you off in, and you are packaging it all in cacophonous carbolic crap which makes your ears bleed egg-nog and squirty cream!

#bobdylan #bbc #christmas #songs