WHY ‘PRIVATE’ MEGHAN AND HARRY ARE A BIG CELEBRITY SECRET ALL OVER THE PLACE …

Now wasn’t that a lovely photo of Meghan and Harry’s new baby bump, taken in a wistful, wonderful bare-foot-in-the-park setting under a dusty sun…

It was an unexpected moment of parental calm in shirt sleeves and sun dress. Oh, and those grass-stained feet too!

How beautiful. How normal. A private moment in their intensely private lives … a little gem captured on a phone. Perfect.

Hang on though!

It’s not actually a selfie at all is it? No! Rumour is that it was taken by a well-known upmarket professional photographer.

Ah, that might be true. But it is obvious that it was only intended for their own private photo-album wasn’t it… and then those naughty media people got hold of it and put it on all of their front pages. Naughty naughty media.

Hang on though!

It wasn’t intended only for their own private photo-album at all! Was it?

It’s actually an eye-catching photograph taken by a pro lens-person guaranteed to hit the front pages all over the place.

How puzzling when they are so desperate to defend their privacy.

It’s a bit like Howard Hughes living in a glass box or Greta Garbo saying she wanted to be alone and then joining a drop-in centre.

Posing for a photograph of your pregnancy is par for the course for A-list celebrities.

It guarantees people like Meghan and Harry air, exposure and, yes, money to keep them in the style they have come to enjoy. And it is something that we in the media are happy to ‘altruistically’ publish to help boost their California coffers.

But surely if the Sussexes just want to be an ordinary couple living an ordinary life away from the scrutiny of the media, then why don’t they get on with it!

Meghan and Harry, stop selling your private souls to people like me – the Press.

It’s just dishonest. The equivalent to fake news just as cringe-worthy as most things coming out of The Donald’s mouth.

Let’s face it, nobody knew Meghan was pregnant until the happy couple decided to go public about it.

So, Harry and Meghan if you really want privacy just shut you plumb-filled gobs and turn off the cameras. We’ll soon forget about you, I promise.

As far as I am concerned your a deeply unattractive and divisive couple who want to manipulate the media and create a dictatorial edict that says ‘we are very privately public’.

B*ll*x!

And don’t forget they left Frogmore’s ten bedrooms and state-funded security, for the paparazzi capital of the world. Then Finding Freedom revealed their private thoughts while Meghan did her morning yoga practice on the banks of the Zambezi.

Oh, and don’t forget, it was five of her friends who revealed the details to People magazine of her “private” letter to her estranged father Thomas Markle.

And now, on the heels of Meghan’s privacy win against Associated Newspapers, this secretive couple have just announced they will record a 90-minute “tell-all” TV interview with chat show queen Oprah.

Well, well, well…

To finish, a bit of advice for these once Royal and popular chumps: manipulated PR is ultimately pointless. You have privately chosen celebrity so just be honest about it.

Now, why don’t you just take a pregnant pause and disappear into the privacy of your own fallopian tube!

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