Santa came down your chimney? Well he should be arrested – and face the music!

A SMALL CHRISTMAS COMPENDIUM OF ALTERNATIVES – IS IT A RASPBERRY FOR THE FOOLE AND SOME TOKYO BLOWS?

I am so bored with hearing the same old music at Christmas time … Do They Know it’s Christmas? Yes they bloody do! The BBC and every radio station in the world tells you it is every two minutes from mid-November!

Rudolph the Red Knows Rain Dear! What’s that all about then? A Russian weather forecaster?

I’ll Be Home for Christmas! Well if you think that’s a good song you should be in a home!

You’re roasting your chestnuts on an open fire? Well, there are special sites for you!

Do you know, there are approximately one million Christmas songs in the world according to recent research? Yep, a million!

Do you know how many songs are on the BBC’s playlist? No, neither do I. But what do you think – ten? 20? A hundred?

There is some balding blubbery posh bloke in John Lennon specs and sandals sitting in a stinky basement at the BBC who’s brief is to find the world’s most over-played, banal, boring Christmas songs ever. And every year he gets paid a Christmas bonus to come up with songs like Jingles Bells oooo-ooo-ooo-oo, Santa Clause is Coming to Town and that load of b*ll*x about the Cavalry!

I worked at the Beeb! I know him! that man exists ….

Here are two out of that million – have a break, take a listen – they may bring back a bit of your sanity!