Andrew, the sweat-less pink blob I once knew as Prince

There are three reasons why an ordinary man might never break out in a sweat – one might be that he is made of Teflon so nothing ever gets too sticky. Two might be he has a fairly rare condition called hypohidrosis. Or three he might just think he is the coolest man in the world.

Well, you can bet that that Royal drip Andrew is in a bit of a sweat now though! Stripped by Mummy of his Royal title and his military honours. And it’s happened in front of the whole world too!

And on top of all that he can’t call himself His Royal Highness any more.

Spanked in public and left with his pants down (again!).

Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go – he’s even sold his – well it was nearly his anyway – Swiss ski chalet in Verbie to pay his legal fees over the sex assault claims against him.

Andrew previously wasn’t able to sell the property as he hadn’t paid off the entire amount to its previous owner Isabella de Rouvre. Along with his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson, he had bought the property in 2014 for £18 million.

However, Rouvre launched a legal battle against the couple in a Swiss court two years ago claiming that they haven’t made their final installment of £5 million.

But that’s sorted then.

I met Andrew many moons ago – he actually seems to wear all of those moons in place of his face nowadays. He was a bit of a rich boy who nothing seemed to go wrong for! War treasure in the making. And I don’t think Fergie had yet even had her big toe sucked when he wasn’t looking.

I simply didn’t like him …he was still quite good-looking but even then he was a bit purple faced, jowly, goofy toothed. A

And rather heavy in the old Bristol department, I seem to remember.

His dark hair was stringy wet and clung to his head like the legs of a squashed spider.

And I’m sure he was sweaty!

He’d been running around Alton Towers in Staffordshire like Mr Blobby and he was hot as he shared a few haughty words with us, the lowly Press Pack.

It was the Royal It’s a Knockout event and in its own way was quite prophetic … now, because of his involvement with Maxwell and Epstein over many years, it is easy say that his next big event may turn out to be the Royal It’s a K*ckout!

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