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#hitchens#journalism#outrage#rightwinglefty

#postcard#leighgbanks#opinion#rodneyhearth#airtvinternational#france#spain#portugal#slovakia#covid

#eagles#hotelcalifornia#folkrock#america

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So we’ve been Trumped, Boris-ed, virus-ed and microwaved in a heatwave that could melt a plastic surgeon – in fact we’ve had a belly-ful, lock-down, shot down, knocked down and blown apart by the little Napoleons of our health watchdogs!

In recompense the Preservation Society presents a compilation by writer Mark Mason for your delectation:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls – it’s  time for a belly full of laughter!

‘What do you call a man with a spade on his head?’ ran a joke in the experiment carried out by University College London recently.

Answer: ‘Dug.’

Did you hear about the man who was sacked from the calendar factory? He took a couple of days off.

What do you call a Mexican whose vehicle has been stolen? Carlos.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs. Still no idea.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol? Geri can.

How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.

What do you call it when a hen looks at a lettuce? A chicken caesar salad.

Dad: It said on the news that an actress has stabbed someone. Think her name was Reese.

Mum: Witherspoon?

Dad: No, with a knife.

I met some obsessive chess players in a hotel reception, going on about how good they were. They were chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

A dad is washing his car with his son. The son says: ‘Dad, can’t you use a sponge?’

I accidentally handed my wife the superglue instead of her lipstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

My dog can do magic tricks. He’s a Labracadabrador.

Two cats swam the English Channel. They were called One Two Three and Un Deux Trois. Which cat won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Did you know that Davy Crockett had three ears? His left ear, his right ear and his wild frontier.

A Dutchman has invented shoes that record how many miles you’ve walked. Clever clogs.

An actress got a part playing a very small mother. She was paid the minimum wage.

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other: ‘Can you smell fish?’

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman? Snowballs.

Lots of cars in a multi- storey car park have been broken into. That’s wrong on so many levels.

What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

A red ship collided with a blue ship. All the sailors were marooned.

A new shop has opened called Moderation. They have everything in there.

Dad: Can I administer my own anaesthetic?

Surgeon: Go ahead — knock yourself out.

I refused to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I went round to his house all the signs were there.

An apple pie in Jamaica is £1.50, a cherry pie in Barbados is £1.60 and a mince pie in Trinidad is £1.80. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Two sailors see an enormous hand come out of the sea. It moves all the way over to one side, then all the way over to the other. One sailor says to the other: ‘Wow, did you see the size of that wave?’

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But cats can.

A neutron walks into a pub and orders a pint. The barman says he won’t take its money: ‘No charge.’

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: ‘Does this taste funny to you?’

A cartoonist has been found dead. Details are sketchy.

Why don’t ants get ill? Because they have antibodies.

What should you call a woman whose voice sounds like an ambulance? Nina.

What do you call a man with a plank on his head? Edward. What do you call a man with two planks on his head? Edward Wood. What do you call a man with three planks on his head? Edward Woodward.

Why do you never hear a psychiatrist go to the loo? Because the ‘P’ is silent.

The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman. Their children were nothing to look at.

A pair of jump leads walk into a pub. The barman tells them: ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t go starting anything.’

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was nothing left but de brie.

I gave my dad his 50th birthday card. He said: ‘One would have been enough.’

How do you organise a party in space? Plan it.

Two TV aerials got married. The ceremony was boring, but the reception was great.

Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.

Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff? Tequila.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? ‘Bison.’

What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

Did you hear about the greedy clock? It went back four seconds.

What do you call a man who can’t stand up? Neil.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

Why did the wedding cake need a tissue? Because it was in tiers.

I keep having a nightmare where I’m a marquee, then one where I’m a teepee. The doctor says I’m too tense.

I once bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.

How do you stop a baby lettuce from crying? Rock it.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? Because it was two tyred.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

#trump #fart #boris #covid #n-n-n-n-19 #uk #laughter #jokers

Moston’s historic flats land – Hough Hall up for development

Another part of an historic suburb of Manchester is likely to be turned into a block of flats as it goes to auction with an estimate of £150,000.

Thousands of people in the small run-down town last year demanded crumbling 500 year old farmhouse – called Hough Hall – was rescued from being knocked down.

More than 6000 residents supported a campaign some time ago to stop the Grade 11 listed building collapsing after decades of neglect.

And, in a way, they might have got what they wished for… except it is being marketed as a development opportunity.

The auction details describe it as a “dilapidated Character Building and Site”.

It is dilapidated, yes … but it is much more than that. It is a Tardis of the history of Moston, once a thriving mill and brick-making area – a place known too for its linen and lace making, dye works, tanneries, print works and breweries.

But Hough Hall was also the home to one of Britain’s unsung heroes of art, the man who helped change the face of modern video, Roger Barnard.

The tragic story of his life and love was played out against the background of this beautiful black and white Tudor farmhouse which stand a few yards away from the bustling Moston Lane and behind an impressive Victorian school.

Last year the campaign caused so much interest in Moston that the original story by journalist Leigh G Banks was banned by Facebook for over-sharing.

Despite the interest though, Manchester City Council said at the time there was nothing they could do to protect near-derelict Hough Hall.

And, shockingly Historic England, which curates the UK’s history, referred the Leigh back to the council when they were approached for help.

https://leighgbankspreservationsociety.blog/time-to-get-in-a-huff-over-towns-hall-of-sadness/

The early 17 century hall is listed because of its wood wall panels, its gables and its wattle and daub construction. Yet it has been left to decay and, at some stage, has been used as a drugs den.

Roger Barnard and Heather Mawhinney took on Hough Hall and had grand plans for it, immersing themselves in the local community and holding open days to show off their ancient home.

Less than two years later though, they put the house up for sale for £200,000 and went on their way.

It has been abandoned more or less ever since.

This is what a spokesperson for the city council had to say: “As the property is privately owned, it is out of our jurisdiction.”

However, surprisingly, an Historic England spokesperson said: “Close contact with the local authority is vital at all times.”

She went on the add: “Communities can play an active role in saving their cherished heritage by being the eyes and ears on the ground. This might be through Heritage Watch schemes to prevent vandalism, setting up Friends Groups or launching a campaign. In some cases, local people have even established Trusts, taking ownership of vulnerable buildings and implementing solutions. Contact with the owner is vital too.”

Leigh G Banks, a former national newspaper journalist and now a broadcaster and editor of www.leighgbankspreservationsociety.blog said: “This is the response we’ve come to expect but it is only the opening shot – there are things that can be done to save a building like this and if people are willing to take on the fight our news organisation and the radio station will do all we can to highlight what is happening.

“The man on the street can win in these circumstances!

#moston #manchester #rogerbarnard #videohistory #grade11 #listed #history #development #houghhall

Less than a decade ago Dylan’s rapper grandson was becoming the wild-eyed cherub of the internet while grandad Bob was going around the world rasping out the likes of Things Have Changed, Love Sick and She Belongs to Me.

They were both doing well … in his early 70s Bob was still capable of filling places like London’s Royal Albert Hall and the Tempodrom in Berlin.

At the same time 15 year old Pablo was somersaulting round cyber space like a chubby faced enfant terrible wearing a Bob Dylan wig.

But, in a way, both of them were reaching crossroads.

Pablo had been quite unprepared for the fame game – and for the scrutiny he’d received as the grandson of the greatest songwriter of the 20th and 21st centuries.

For his part Bob was churning out his back-catalogue and grinning like the Joker at his adoring audiences … a river boat captain in a polka dot shirt and a thunder-clap broad-brimmed hat.

And it took almost seven years for them to make create a whole new world for each other.

Yep, things had changed.

Pablo Dylan — the son of Bob’s oldest, Jesse — has said: “My grandfather, I consider him the Jay-Z of his time, I love him to death.”

The comparison might have grated a little with Ol’ Grandad Bob. Jay-Z – real name is Shawn Corey Carter, born December 4, 1969. He is an American rapper, songwriter and record boss executive.

https://leighgbankspreservationsociety.blog/oh-no-its-definitely-not-in-the-genes-for-levi-dylan-who-wont-be-banging-the-drum-for-rocknroll/

But Bob was already looking at the new cyber world to launch yet another strand to his mercurial career and as clocks struck midnight on March 27 2020 as the world wrapped in lock-down sheets, he released Murder Most Foul, a 16:57 minute opus on the internet.

Little information was given except for a brief statement from Dylan himself: “This is an unreleased song we recorded a while back that you might find interesting.”

Not long ago Pablo released his EP .The Finest Somersault

And it showed that his rapping days are gone, ay leat for now, and he is now well and truly in to folk-rock.

And it demonstrated that just like grandpa, he is well steeped in historical figures like Homer, Edgar Allan Poe, Hank Williams, Charley Patton and Ulysses S. Grant.

“I loved The Clash as a kid and they were also my dad’s favorite band. Me and my cousins and little sister grew up listening to “London Calling,” “Train in Vain,” Jimmy Jazz.” All those songs really meant something to me as a kid.
“When I started doing hip-hop records, the Clash really made sense to me, because when you sample stuff you’re kind of doing the same thing that the Clash did. It’s like, “OK, let’s just put all these different elements together and together they make a piece that is unique.

“I grew up in a house with music playing all the time. The Clash and then Robert Johnson and Charley Patton. There were a lot of folk songs too.

“And then when I was six, I heard Eminem for the first time and it just blew my mind. It was so aggressive. I’ve never seen the difference between genres. That never really made sense to me. And now people call me a folk artist because I’m playing acoustic guitar. You know, Shakespeare wrote plays and sonnets and it was the exact same to him. It didn’t matter.

“People like to simplify things. That’s part of being a human, but I want the songs to speak for themselves. It’s something I debate a lot. Does any artist actually matter? Does Edgar Allan Poe matter? Does Shakespeare matter? Does Homer matter? Or is it just the work they made? I think it’s probably just the work.”

And Bob’s new work – released on YouTube – certainly worked hitting No. 1. on the US Rock Digital Song Sales (Billboard). His first-ever No 1 single.

Sadly, Pablo didn’t do so well but it is a major work from last year and deserves some real attention.

Bob has 11 grandchildren, and he drives a van with the bumper sticker saying World’s Greatest Grandpa.

#bobdylan #hisroyalbobness #pablodylan #murdermostfoul #folkrock #cybersales #happybirthdaybob #pablodylan #levidylan