Tourettes and tantrums as more lock-down victims find themselves one question away from banking oblivion

Banks generally are looking at opportunities as we lock down our lives.

And nothing wrong with that under the world economic system we have at the moment.

In fact, all four of the big London-listed lenders have suffered steep share price falls since the virus crisis began, so like us, all they need is a way of finding stability.

And one stands out as being much better able to cope with the crisis.

That bank is Barclays.

And the reason it is coping is that it has a large investment banking operation behind it.

But what about their human face?

Last week the preservation society highlighted the plight of international journalist Leigh G Banks who is locked down in Slovakia and was having problems with his telephone and online banking.

He couldn’t get the HSBC to help him.

He said: “Well, I suppose today is as good as any for a faithful customer to be left to die as far as HSBC is concerned.

“Forget coronavirus for a moment and let’s look at the virus of stupidity spreading through our fabulously faceless world of technological brick walls…”

Read what happened here:

Now veteran broadcaster and boss at AirTV International Rodney Hearth has faced a similar crisis… here he tells about his brush with the ‘deadly bankers’ in his own words:

“Locked down in Portugal.

No money.

It has taken one week to get in touch with Barclays Bank – nobody there – just a computer  trying to sound human.

During this I wait on a mobile international call average 45 mins every day.

Every time listening to the dreaded telephone message machine going through all the options, the last one being –

“You may have to wait for up to another 2 hours!”

“But leave a message we will get back to you in 48 hrs “– they did not.

Eventually I got through to somone human – Semi-human.

You guessed  it – Can I take you through security.

I remember the last time I was taken through security by another British Bank – not to be named on this occasion – 10 questions!  I thought I was on Millionaire.

Got 9 right – do you want to go for the 10th – I was supremely confident – even though I could loose all.

You first opened your account in 1999 tell me the first transaction you made?– Honestly!

The effluent hit the fan!  You can´t talk to me like that she said!. I then pointed out to her that I suffer occasionally from

Bi-polar with a touch of Tourettes and by the way could I offer to pay for some counselling for her – can’t be fairer than that –

but the line was dead.

This time with B’s that’s Barclays although I now prefer the former. I fell at the first.

What are the first 2 letters of you password – I gave them – no, wrong, she said triumphantly! – not right I tamely questioned’

Then I was informed that Barclays use three different passwords depending how I get in touch with them.

Computer– App or Telephone.

The call ended in a similar manner to the aforementioned but ths time with a lot of Tourettes.

It only happens with British Banks and in both incidents I didn’t even have the pleasure of speaking to anyone in India –

I now actually prefer that – you can say what you like and they come back for more – they are ever so polite.

“What’s your name?” I demand. “It’s Richard” – said in a classical native accent – What!? – I retorted You’re not called Richard.

“I can show you my birth certificate” he said.

“Go on then!”

It was so absured we parted as friends – I informed him that I really loved his curry – He liked that.

It’s much better in both Portugal and Spain – you can leisurely spend the whole morning having a coffee with the manager whilst a long queue builds up at the Teller’s desk.

If you’re lucky you can get the assistant manager invariable a lady with all the usual Charms and Attributes – the Tourettes has never bothered me on such auspicious occasions.

DO THE MONEY SHUFFLE – lyrics

Richard Thompson

 love kittens and little babies
Can’t you see that’s the guy I am
And your money is so safe with me
You never met such an honest man
Glossies on my office wall
The rich and famous, I know them all

Come on and do the Money Shuffle
I’ve got you right there where I want you
Come on and do the Money Shuffle
Can’t find your money if you want to
Stock market going through the roof now
So rich I’ll never add it up now
I’ve got your savings here somewhere

Here at Warbrook and Jones it’s all tradition
We never pimp and we don’t hustle
If you’ll just bend over a little
I think you’ll feel my financial muscle
Spread it wide, wide as you can
To get the full benefit of my plan

Come on and do the Money Shuffle
I’ve got you right there where I want you
Come on and do the…

TAGS: banks, hsbc, Barclays, con, quiz show, lockdown, questions, money, phone banking, online banking