OUR QUEEN OF THRONES … 70 YEARS OF LIZ GETTING IT RIGHT, DESPITE THE FAMILY
The Queen has been on The Throne for 70 years …hmmm, to us Northerners that has a totally different meaning.
But you can wipe that smile off your face right away – don’t doubt for a second I’m logged in, pumped up and ready to poo-poo any negative toilet humour!
Yes, Liz lives in the equivalent of Britain’s biggest council house which also just happens to be the most expensive property in the world… £6 billion!
And she has probably the world’s most expensive dysfunctional family too. In fact sometimes The Royals make The Royles look sensible.
Her Mum liked a tipple or two!
Philip was a bit of a joker – although many didn’t actually get the joke…
Margaret was a party animal of gin-and-it proportions and ran off with a married man!
Charles went to war on the world’s most beautiful woman then married a horse…
Diana liked to secretly phone her lovers undercover of the night
Andrew spent millions to avoid breaking in to a sweat over his very public sex scandal!
Anne ran off with a sailor
Fergie got her toes licked in public!
Harry was 17-year-old when he was banished to Featherstone Lodge rehabilitation centre in London … for a DAY. He’d admitted smoking a joint
Harry was photographed wearing a Nazi costume
Harry got naked at a private party in Las Vegas
Meghan walked herself down the aisle after a tiff with Daddy
Meghan and Harry gave a tell-all interview to Oprah Winfrey about their rift with the Royal Family
And so it goes on!
But the one thing that has always stood out in this very rich ship of fools is the Queen’s Dignity…
Oh, and the £1.8bn a year she brings in to the UK– plus £550m of tourism revenues a year, and an increase in trade, from the Royal Family acting as ambassadors, worth £150m a year.
Yep, her family might be naughty boys and girls – rich, privileged pillocks.
But Liz has done it right – for 70 years.
So, below we have published the itinerary for a long weekend when we can party – and, unlike Boris, feel fine – have a laugh, make music hall jokes about being on The Throne for too long, take the mickey out of some pretty shoddy kids and grandkids, argue about how much value The Royals are to our country.
But most of all, let’s raise a glass and enjoy the entertainment and think about how many women in our world would have done everything that The Queen has done for her family, her job and her country.
She is the longest-reigning monarch:
The Queen has carried out more than 21,000 engagements over the course of her reign.
The Queen has given Royal Assent to approximately 4,000 Acts of Parliament
The Queen is currently patron of more than 500 organisations
THANK YOU LIZ!
Thursday June 2
More than 3,000 beacons are being lit across the UK and the Commonwealth.
9.25pm – Members of the royal family arrive to watch the lighting of the principal beacon at the Palace – a tall Tree of Trees sculpture.
Friday June 3
11am – The Royal Family arrive at the service of thanksgiving in St Paul’s Cathedral.
12.25pm – Members of the Royal Family afterwards attend a Guildhall reception hosted by the Lord Mayor.
Saturday June 4
5.30pm – The Epsom Derby. The Queen and her Family are expected to head to the racecourse on Derby Day, where the monarch is due to be greeted with a guard of honour made of up to 40 of her past and present jockeys.
7.40pm – Members of the Royal Family arrive at the BBC’s Platinum Party at the Palace concert.
8pm-10.30pm – The open-air concert in front of the Palace, featuring stars including Queen + Adam Lambert, Alicia Keys, Duran Duran and Diana Ross, is broadcast live on BBC One.
Sunday June 5
Street parties and Big Jubilee Lunches are staged across the country
2.30pm-5pm – The Jubilee Pageant takes place in central London, with a 3km carnival procession featuring a cast of thousands including puppets and celebrities and tributes to the seven decades of the Queen’s reign. It will move down The Mall and past the Palace.
The finale has Ed Sheeran performing, and the singing of the national anthem in front of the Queen’s official residence
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