By Andrew John Teague and Leigh G Banks
By Leigh G Banks: Grooming gifts, craft beer, a chocolate tool set, new socks. And a gift set of ‘vintage cut-throat razors’.
We’ve already got the meal tickets.
For many decades Father’s Day was just like any of my birthdays, bank holidays and Christmas’s.
I had drawn blank again.
But my soon-to-be ex-wife’s family didn’t. No. They all got to spend time with my children on ‘special’ days. Aunties, uncles, cousins, my soon-to-be ex-wife’s boyfriend.
Even the maternal family’s dogs and cats got more access to my children than I did.
Do you know, on these ‘special’ days, I deliberately tried not to even think about them.
Yeh, that’s right. It was Father’s Day and I was deliberately avoiding thinking about my son and my daughters.
If I did, the cracks would show and the darkness would creep in and I found it hard to cope.
And in some ways I was glad that they were banned from ringing me on these ‘special’ days. Not by the courts! Not by any rule-book spouting, big bonus earning, juniper juice smelling social worker. Not the police. Not child protection …
No. I was banned by the self-righteous, pompous maternal family’s determination to take satisfaction in convincing my children that I was the Monster from the Swamp of Deceit and Debris of the Heart.
My children’s uncles hated me because I’d ‘dumped’ their sister after being together for more than a decade. There was no violence between us, no smashing of things, no threats, no cheating, no lying.
No, none of those.
It was just that we didn’t get on any more. We didn’t really like each other when we woke up in the mornings and certainly despised each other by bedtime.
Ours wasn’t a good marriage. Two hormonal and rampantly excited kids made a mistake. They both thought they’d fallen for the their ‘forever person’ but got it wrong,
My soon-to-be ex-wife regularly spouted superciliously ‘if it wasn’t for the children we wouldn’t be together any more’.
After a decade I took her at her word and left.
And for the next twenty years I became the most hated man in my own extended universe.
Eventually, I got my three children back in my life and things are good, on the whole, and we spend time together whenever we can.
Walking back to happiness is a long road and too often it feels like a mountain.
But those mountains are there to be climbed. If you don’t climb them you’ll never know what’s on the other side.
The mountains of despair, which, stand like silhouetted sharks teeth against the sky’s canvas will obscure your future unless you get on top of them.
There is a Fathers Day Climb for Kids in Pen y Fan in the Brecon Beacons soon …
Andrew John Teague, founding member of D.A.D.s and NAAP, has climbed at least 50 peaks in the last few years.
And all for our children and us.
Andrew wrote this almost pastoral piece about the achievement he feels every time he makes that long arduous journey up the mountainside.
By doing what he is doing, he has created a metaphor for all our lives…
Andrew wrote: Located in South Wales the Brecon Beacons at Pen y Fan are surrounded by beautiful mountains and scenery.
And they are very popular with people from all over the world.
The Beacons are the training ground for the armed forces – and the SAS.
My favourite mountain to climb – and to date I’ve been up approx 50 times, including on my knees! Ouch!
This time of year the weather is normally extremely hot. Although the weather can change in the blink of an eye.
The sense of achievement when reaching the top is satisfying and the cause a worthy one…
Depending on the weather use suitable clothing. Always remember the weather can change.
Water to keep hydrated. Remember it’s not a race… enjoy the climb and take in the scenery. There are often burger vans for refreshments on the way up!
From the top of Pen y Fan on a clear day the scenery rolls on for miles.
#parentalalienation #familycourts #dads #mums #family #lies #cheats #children
