A LEVELS: IF YOU GOT DIDDLY-SQUAT THEN A GRAND TOUR OF JEZZA’S VIEWS WILL GO ON FOR SMILES AND SMILES
Well, how did your off-spring do, A? New levels of despair, angst … and that job-for-life at a burger joint has just kicked them in the Big Macs?
And they are still in their teens, pneumatically active, spotty, awkward and destined for a no-hours contract about as useful as a Coke Zero.
No jobs, no two-car family, no two weeks in Benidorm, no two-for-one at Harvester, no two-up-and-two-down, no baby or two. In fact life appears to be nothing more than a double bluff with an empty pot of gold dumped in a discarded fast food container…
If it makes you and your very expensively educated child feel any better though, I have to admit I got NONE! Not one!
A? I hear you say!
Yes, it’s true! In my GCSEs – or the equivalent – I passed art with flying colours because I was good at spray cans and my name is Banksy…
And I got English, apparently, because I spelt my name right.
But that was it!
So, unqualified, not an ology between my ears or a university education in sex and drugs I went on to do quite well for myself actually, a writer, broadcaster, presenter, travel writer, music pundit and campaigner.
I live in a 300 year old cottage with a garden so big National Car Parks want to take it over … so as Bob said “there is no success like failure …”
I mean this in a positive way – you don’t need lots of bits of paper saying how brilliant you are and how qualified you are to pick litter on an asbo.
And that old gorrilla of guile Jeremy Clarkson agrees.
In tweets over the last few years he has tried to provide comfort to those who might not receive the grades they hoped for, by pointing out they’re not the be-all and end-all for success.
In 2014: “If your A level results aren’t joyous take comfort from the fact I got a C and two Us. And I have a Mercedes Benz.”
2015: “If your A level results aren’t great, be cheered by the fact that I got a C and two Us. And I’m currently sitting in a villa in St Tropez.”
2016: “If your A level results are disappointing, don’t worry. I got a C and two Us, and I’m currently on a superyacht in the Med.”
2017: Jeremy bragged about having his chef prepare truffles for his breakfast – although the jury is still out on whether that one was entirely accurate.
2018: “Don’t worry if your A level grades aren’t any good. I got a C and 2 Us. And I’m sitting here deciding which of my Range Rovers to use today.”
2019: “A level results a bit rubbish? Don’t worry. I got a C and two Us and I’ve rented this place for the summer,”
2020: “A level results not great? Don’t worry, I got a C and 2 Us and I’m currently building a large house with far reaching views of the Cotswolds.”
2021: The Who Wants To Be A Millionaire presenter faced huge backlash after continuing with his annual tweeting tradition amidst the pandemic as students forced to study at home for almost the entire academic year.
2022: Yep, more of the same … good on ya Jezza!
OLOGIES ARE NOT KEYS TO THE DOOR OF THE FUTURE!