I’ve not even had an egg-nog for Easter.
This religiously-based festival with its focus on chick-chick-chick-chick chickens, chocolate eggs, rubbish telly and bob-tailed bunnies has left my tongue as dry as a pair of the Baby Jesus’s discarded flip-flops.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and anybody else who is reading, I can no longer commune with those little ol’ wine drinkers them, those pouring themselves under the vestry door like yellow mercury, heading to the pews, pews where barmy mad-crews dibble-dabble in the spirit(s) of the day …
I’ve drank that much that I’ve spoilt it for myself.
As the late great Jim Morrison, who died of, amongst other things, alcoholic hiccoughs, once almost said: “Your barroom days are over baby, night is growing near …”
Well, actually Jim, some might say I’ve seen the light (ale) of day! Cheers!
But, I was a bit worried about the UK and its Easter economy as I was forced to keep my beer tokens in my smeg-musty trouser pocket.
I needn’t have been though because all the Beer Monsters of Great Britain got together for Easter, egged each other on and drank the pubs beer-less, so much so that an SOS went out across the country for more booze.
The first bank holiday without Covid restrictions since Christmas 2019 had breweries – large and small – trying to order extra deliveries.
And then there was the sunny-day-in-Blackpool weather.
More 85 million pints were drunk in pubs, the British Beer and Pub Association said. And 65 million pints were knocked back at home.
The BBPA said: “It’s the first holiday period since Covid and good news for beer sales across the UK
“Off-trade sales for home consumption are also increasing due to the nice weather.
“Pubs have not been able to trade properly over a long weekend since 2019. Brits are supporting their local pubs.”
I’ll drink a non-alcoholic lager to that!
